One of the pleasures of having a kid is getting to read to the kid. Of course, since the Infant is still an infant, the kind of books we get to read to him are picked not for their ability to hold his attention, but the opposite: to convince him sleep is a much better… [Read the Rest]

Seriously. I Love 1995′s Tank Girl. You know, the one with Lori Petty and Ice-T as a kangaroo, and Malcolm McDowell as the baddie with a holographic head.   If any single movie influenced Take the All-Mart! the most, it had to be Tank Girl. The original draft of Take the All-Mart! even opened with… [Read the Rest]

Ah, Conan the Destroyer. The Rodney Dangerfield of Conan movies. But you know what, at the risk of being labelled an idiot, I have to admit I kinda like it better than Conan the Barbarian (the original one, not the new version, which I haven’t seen, and I’m still on the fence about seeing —… [Read the Rest]

In 1987 someone made a movie of the novel Tarnsman of Gor for some reason. Here’s why you should track it down and mock it: Big 80′s haired slave girls dancing with each other while frumpier and bitter slave girls serve drinks with sidecars of glowering condescension. WWE-level Slave Girl fighting! With acrobatics, menacing circling, hair pulling,… [Read the Rest]

1989′s Arena is, inarguably, the finest alien wrestling/boxing/gladiatorial fighting film produced in 1989. And, I venture to prognosticate sight unseen, it is arguably a finer film than Real Steel.     And here’s why: Cyborgs! The fighters take so much damage in the ring, they must get replacement mechanical parts to keep on fighting. Or I assume. Doesn’t… [Read the Rest]

Many words have been written about Birdemic: Shock and Terror. These are more of them.     Make no mistake, Birdemic: Shock and Terror is not a film. It is a train wreck wrapped in a bridge collapse covered by a creamy coating of Chevy Chase talk show. The actors are not actors — I… [Read the Rest]